Lately I have been considering the very real possibility that some pregnancy symptoms are not so much to blame on hormones, but on my own pregnant conscience giving me permission to partake in a less than desirable action. While creating life in utero, I have taken on a pregnancy conscience, which gives me permission to do and say things without the usual guilt or fear of the “you-are-plumb-crazy” look. The following are a few (real life) examples:
Pregnancy Conscience: Hey! I am creating a whole new person! Today, I fabricated vocal chords while simultaneously analyzing pricing sheets… what did you do!? I will enjoy as many brownies as I please.
Instance 2: My husband and I are making homemade spaghetti sauce and meatballs from scratch. We remove the meatballs from the oven after the suggested cook time is finished. Ryan cuts into one, and the meat still looks pretty pink inside. Because Ryan read that meat is supposed to be thoroughly cooked for pregnant women, we put them back in the oven. We repeat this process several times. After he cut into about the fourth meatball and announced they weren’t ready, I started to cry. Yes, I cried because dinner was STILL not ready.
Pregnancy Conscience: I can eat a damn pink meatball and be just fine. I scale down my emotions all the time, but now I have pregnancy hormones on my side. Let the tears flow!
Instance 3: It’s a co-worker’s birthday. As we are discussing schedule changes, I let him know that I have been eye-balling his cupcake since we began our conversation. He offers me the cupcake, because he is too full. (Something I haven’t experienced in three months!) I take the cupcake. The birthday cupcake.
Pregnancy Conscience: This cupcake is delicious. I will not feel bad about wanting to eat something so tasty. After all, I deserve it. Being a baby factory is hard work!
Instance 4: I cried at a gum commercial. For those of you with sentimental hearts, it was the one where the little girl saved all of the origami-gum-wrapper swans that her daddy ever folded for her.
Pregnancy Conscience: Let’s face it, I would have cried at this commercial before I was pregnant. I am a swirling ball of emotion, but I will allow my husband to blame it on the growing seed inside me.
Instance 5: My two dogs are fighting each other around my calves. The 80 pound golden doodle rams his body into me almost knocking me over, so I kick him and growl. My husband gives me a look like he has just been threatened at gun point, and then offers to draw me a nice relaxing bath.
Pregnancy Conscience: These dogs are always fighting on me! I can fight too!…at least I am not using my teeth. And yes, I will take a nice long jacuuuz. Thanks.
After some reflection on these instances, I determined that the emotions and over-eating were something I dealt with long before becoming pregnant. However, pregnancy conscience doesn’t repress feelings. It doesn’t say, “If you eat that, you will get fat.” Pregnancy conscience doesn’t lay on the guilt after expressing an emotion or eating something with sugar in it. Pregnancy conscience doesn’t care about societal pressure to be and act the way you are supposed to.
Pregnancy conscience says, “Go ahead and enjoy that dessert. It doesn’t matter what you eat; you are going to blow up like an inflatable yard Santa regardless!” Pregnancy conscience erases the pressure of being skinny. Pregnancy conscience removes the cork to my bottle of emotions.
Pregnancy conscience may have been created by hormones, or it may have been created by the built-in excuse of hormones. I certainly don’t have the answer, but, for now, I am going to blame it on the fetus.