Unsolicited Advice/Stories

The further my abdomen protrudes, the more strangers intrude.  Sometimes it is as if I am wearing a “please share” sign around my neck.  Throughout my pregnancy, various stories and bits of advice have been thrown my way.  However, now that I am in the final month of this journey, I have little to no patience for horrifying birth stories or the unsolicited I-know-all-things-baby advice.  Let’s review a few of the things I DIDN’T want to hear.

An elderly woman at the YMCA… “Oh, you’re having a baby!  I spent the last month of my pregnancy on bed-rest after having the perfect pregnancy.  Tore something down there working in the yard.  I blame it on you!” (this last bit was directed at her husband)  “Technically, pregnancy was his fault.  I certainly couldn’t have done it by myself… Well, I guess I could have, but it wouldn’t have been near as much fun!”  Perfect… now I’m not only thinking of being on bed rest at the end of my pregnancy, but also about you old folks “having fun”.

Cashier… “You know, you should really look into encapsulating the placenta.  It will help you with bonding and breastfeeding.”  Eww…I will bond just fine without going lioness… thanks.

A client… “Well, my daughter just had a baby.  She ended up having several complications with her emergency cesarean, and now she is having surgery to repair a few things.  Baby is fine, but my daughter still hasn’t gone home!”  If I could reach through the phone and punch you, I would.

Lady at the gym…“If your baby doesn’t move around a lot, then don’t think she is retarded.  I could have swore my little girl was retard, because she just didn’t do as much as her brother had as a baby.”  You’re offensive.

Co-worker… “Are you running out of clothes you can fit into!?  You can always start wearing a mumu!” If you weren’t my boss, I’d have a thing or two to say about how YOU fit in YOUR clothes!

These are just a few examples.  I’ve been trying to keep my hormones at bay, but you never know when mama bear will take over and lash out at the next disturbing story I hear.  A full-term pregger’s patience is already thin… best not skate on that ice.


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