Pregnancy Swagger

I do not waddle… I just have a pregnancy swagger.  I have come to find out that merely carrying a baby is not the only reason for pregnancy swagger, but that it could be due to a myriad of reasons.  I will try to relate these reasons to real life situations, so those of you without a protruding six pound miracle can relate.

It’s like when you are moving your buddy into a second floor apartment carrying the box labeled books/DVDs.  It’s not a huge box, but it is very heavy.  You lean back a little bit to keep from toppling forward, and your legs naturally point outwards to avoid bouncing the box on the top of your legs.  This swagger is caused by the weightiness of your little leach.

The swagger may be to avoid chub rub.  Those of you who have worn yoga pants that are a smidge too loose and then went on a run know what inner thigh burning disaster I am talking about.

The swagger may also be caused by the widening of the pelvis/hips.  Suddenly your body has decided to constantly attempt a butterfly stretch… loosening your once tightrope-like ligaments into over-stretched hair ties.  This laxity causes a pain similar to the soreness felt after doing too many abductor/adductor exercises (you know the machines where you spread your legs apart and back together inducing a bit of embarrassment and feelings of exposure).

Bosu feet syndrome also causes pregnancy swagger.  I dubbed my foot swelling bosu feet syndrome because it feels as if I am trying to balance on two foot shaped half yoga balls when the slight swelling turns into “Damn girl!! Go lie down!!“.

Did you ever play a game as a child where you held a water balloon between your legs and tried to beat your opponent without popping or dropping the balloon?  Well an 8-month-pregnant woman’s balloon weighs roughly six pounds and tends to wiggle.  Try walking normal with that going on.

Or the pregnancy swagger could be just that… a swagger.  Pimps walk with a limp.  Models protrude their hips forward.  Preggos show off their well earned bumps.  So go ahead fellow preggies, strut your stuff!